Balancing School and Work: Strategies for ADHD Success with Online Therapy
By Destiny Winters LPC CRC
You know that moment you get a huge burst of energy, you jump up to get started, and then immediately get deflated? Yeah, me too. It's a hallmark struggle of ADHDers, and it's something we've been made to feel horrible about. The shame builds up real fast. This gets labeled as procrastination and unmotivated.
But I'm here to tell you - it's not your fault AND there's something you can do about it.
Introducing: "body doubling." Don't worry, I'm not talking about cloning yourself, although that would be amazing if I had 5 of me running around completing my to-do list!
What is body doubling?
Linda Anderson, MA, MCC, SCAC, an ADHD coach, coined the term "body doubling" in 1996. She observed this phenomenon while working with a client who had ADHD and found that their focus and productivity improved in the presence of a non-judgmental companion.
The key word here is non-judgmental.
Self-compassion is essential because it deactivates our brain's threat response centers. In other words, it creates safety, and safety is what allows us to do amazing work. Think of the hardest, most admirable job you can think of. There might be an element of danger to that job, and there are also a ton of safeguards in place to make sure the worker can adequately do their job. While danger can and does give us a boost of adrenaline, that energy spike only lasts a small amount of time before we're depleted and can't do any more work.
Who benefits from body-doubling?
Folks with ADHD are most known for benefiting from body-doubling. They report:
an increase in their ability to focus and complete tasks
higher levels of genuine motivation to start and complete tasks
less frustration with the amount of time tasks take or the level of detail required for the tasks
Additionally, anyone who finds themselves often procrastinating, working on tedious tasks, or thriving with social connections can benefit from body doubling.
In therapy sessions dedicated to working with clients with ADHD, we work hard to understand how these general principles can apply to your unique circumstances.
Why body doubling works:
There are a few theories as to why body doubling is an effective technique for people with ADHD. I'll explain some of them here, but remember that your personal experience is what matters most.
STORY TIME: My best friend came over to visit me and my kids while my husband was working all day. I know myself, and when I'm alone for too long, I start to feel things I don't like, such as rage and depression. So I've learned how to lean on my friends, which in turn lets them feel more comfortable leaning on me, and a beautiful relationship gets built upon mutual trust and respect.
My house was a disaster, but she's my best friend, and I just had my second baby. If anyone was going to understand, it was her. In other words, she's a safe person for me. As soon as she got here, we ate lunch and got to talking, and my energy levels naturally pushed me toward cleaning my dining room table (which should more accurately be called a tornado drop zone, since no one eats there and it's always filled with clutter).
END STORY
Science tells us that having a safe person in the room with us while a difficult task is at hand is motivating because:
it creates a sense of urgency, which is one of the main motivators for people with ADHD
it releases dopamine, which improves energy and motivation
it increases our external executive functioning cue to help us get started and stay on track
Personally, through my own therapy for procrastination-related shame, I've learned that my brain just does better when I feel a sense of meaning and purpose. And I find meaning and purpose in my relationships. So my friends coming over to just be with me is internally motivating because I'm naturally feeling the meaningfulness of our interaction.
So I'm curious, what's the meaningful thing in your life that helps you feel motivated?
Let me know HERE
How to find and practice with body doubling partners:
If you work with an ADHD therapist and has a neurodivergent-affirming lens, body doubling is sure to be a session topic. That's how powerful it is. But how do you find said body double?
While there are tons of online option, my personal favorite will always be finding someone you love to body double with. Social connection is critically important to our longevity, and this allows us to "stack" happy and healthy habits.
Friends/Family - Asking a friend or family member you love spending time with to come over while you make dinner for or with them is a fantastic way to also get in other types of cleaning. You might even find yourself cleaning before they come over. But even if you don't clean before, you'll likely start cleaning while they're there.
Coworking Spaces - If you happen to be a therapist yourself, my friend Jennifer Hama and I have online memberships that might be of interest to you. In-person coworking spaces that are ADHD-friendly can include:
coffee shops
parks
actual coworking spaces (Google "coworking spaces near me")
libraries
school cafeterias
and more
Online body doubling groups - Facebook has a few free ones, just search "body doubling for ADHD"
There are pros and cons to both online and in-person options, so it's important that you figure out which one works best for you. You might even find that one works best in some scenarios while the other works better for other scenarios.
And remember to set ground rules before you begin!
Communication & Expectations
Goals for the Session: Briefly discuss what each person aims to work on before starting.
Check-in Frequency: Agree on how often you'll touch base (e.g., every 25 minutes, at the end of a task).
Preferred Communication Style: Text, quick verbal check-in, or just working silently without direct interaction.
Taking Breaks: Establish when and how it's okay to take breaks (e.g., briefly signaling the other person without interrupting their flow).
Environment & Logistics
Workstyle Compatibility: Determine if you both need total silence, background noise, or if some light chatter is okay.
Space Requirements: Do you both need a big table to spread out or just a comfy chair nearby? This is especially important for in-person sessions.
Distracting Habits: Discuss any personal habits that might disrupt the other (e.g., frequent phone checking, fidgeting).
Ending the Session: Agree how you'll signal when the session is over.
Boundaries & Support
No Direct Assistance: Clarify that you're not doing the work for each other, but offering focus support through presence.
Limits on Advice: Set boundaries on whether unsolicited advice is welcome. Some people find it helpful, others find it distracting.
Emotional Support: Discuss the level of emotional support each person can offer (e.g., simple encouragement vs. venting about frustrations).
Flexibility: Acknowledge that these rules might need tweaking as you go. Open communication is key!
Additional Considerations for Virtual Body Doubling:
Video or No Video?: Decide if you prefer video calls for greater presence, or audio-only to reduce distraction.
Screen Sharing: Some people find it helpful to screen-share to add a sense of working "alongside" each other.
Example:
"Before we start, can we quickly discuss our goals? I'm hoping to finish this report draft. Let's check in with each other every 30 minutes. It'd be great if we can keep the room quiet, and maybe just signal with a thumbs up when any of us needs a break."
Let me know if you'd like help wording specific ground rules or want to discuss rules specific to a particular setting (friends, coworkers, online groups, etc.)!
Bring More Productivity AND Meaning and Purpose To Your Life Through Body Doubling
Whether you have ADHD, struggle with procrastination, or simply crave more focus, body doubling is a surprisingly simple yet powerful tool. Remember, it's all about finding the right body double and setting clear expectations that work for both of you. Don't be afraid to experiment with different arrangements – in-person, virtual, or even with a compatible group.
The benefits extend far beyond a finished to-do list. Body doubling can help you build confidence, reduce anxiety around daunting tasks, and nurture a sense of community. If you've been feeling stuck, consider it your invitation to try this unique approach and finally get things done with support.
Getting Started with ADHD Therapy in Atlanta, GA
Ready to take control of your ADHD journey and discover effective strategies for managing your body doubling? Whether you're seeking ADHD therapy, coping strategies, or simply a supportive community, we're here to help you thrive. Take the first step towards empowerment and fulfillment today!
Contact us here so we can get to know you.
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Learn more about body doubling and the benefits for ADHD.
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At The Chronic Illness Therapist, we offer a comprehensive range of therapeutic services to support individuals facing various challenges. Our grief therapy provides compassionate support for those navigating loss, while our chronic illness therapy offers tailored assistance for managing complex chronic illnesses. Additionally, our anxiety and depression therapy provides evidence-based interventions.